Chapter 49 31: His Posession

She stayed alone in the room for the rest of the night, mostly crying because that was the only emotion her body responded to. She wanted all this to be a nightmare she would one day wake up from, but having known reality to an extent, Fareeda knew that nothing could be changed. She had to accept that this was her reality and nothing could be done about it. She didn't take dinner and when it was time for her to go to bed, she did. Feeling as though her heart was a mountain she had to carry on her chest. She was aware of his presence in the room, when he walked in and did all his night rituals. She wanted her heart to come out of her chest when he laid next to her on the bed. Okay, maybe not closely next to her, but still, she could feel his warmth from were she laid. She hadn t been able to get a hold of herself since when he stomped out of the room, her body, the desire swarming through every nook and cranny of her whole soul. Slowly, without intending to, her tears came back, because that was the only way to save herself. To relieve herself of the pain she felt and the feelings she couldn't extinguish. She slowly began to cry until it got to the point that Fareeda couldn't hide her whimpers. All her thoughts were, he was asleep, probably wouldn t hear her crying until she was done or sleep will overtake her soul before she got a hold of her tears. But when she felt his hand on her arm, Fareeda stiffened under his touch. With a single brush, she shrugged his hand away because she couldn't afford to have herself stirred to the point that she would have to take one of those pain relievers the doctor prescribed for her. Her tears intensified as self pity ruptured into her heart. What kind of life did she leave? Why was it so hard to get what she wanted even if it s for once in her life? She wanted Mujaheed, but not in the intimacy perception. If not because of what she was currently going through, she can say she wanted him in all ways possible. She wanted his soul, his smile, his laughter, his compassion and softly toward her... She didn t know her tears had intensified until she felt him pulled her to himself and he hugged her from behind, making sure that his arms were firmly holding her in a way he was certain she couldn t brush him off anymore. She had already taken her glass off, because she knew they can be fighting helter-skelter but one thing was assured, he would never let her sleep with her glass on and that was why she did the favor herself, because a proximity with him was all she wanted. She tried to get out of his hold but he held her firmly and when her attempts kept being persistent, Mujaheed spoke softly into her ear, "Come on, Fareeda. You shouldn t be so stubborn." All her skin pores straightened when he spoke lightly and from the way her body responded, she knew today might be the day she would have to lose her life. She cleared her tears and with a feigned bravado placed her hand on his and tried to take it off her waist. "Will you please leave me alone? I'm not strong enough to fight with you on this, at least I deserve to be left alone, don t I?" She wanted to sound as serious as she meant this words in her heart, but her voice came out as shaky with a touch of her tears. With one smooth flick, even though she couldn't see him, sh was aware that Mujaheed had turned her so he could see her face, holding her dangerously close to his body that she could say she was practically on him. "What if I don t want to leave you alone?" He questioned with a calm voice that once again, made her become so much weaker than she initially was. Painting a stoic expression on her face, Fareeda shook her head, aware that he was staring at her face. "But that's what I want, I want you to leave me alone. You should know that a proximity with you is the last thing I want now. Will you please let go of your hold on me?" She might think that she sounded brave and all, but Mujaheed had seen her facial expression and it was saying the otherwise. "Why are you so stubborn, Fareeda?" He asked, staring directly into her eyes even though he was certain that she couldn t see him now. "Because of all things, you don t deserve to get something that isn t pure and perfected. Not this filthy-" he closed up her lips to shut her out, knowing that was the only way he could. Because knowing Fareeda so well, she might not keep shut even if he wanted her to. And for her to remember him about what he had said to he would be so hurtful to him as well, not just her. When Fareeda felt his lips on hers, her whole body jerked. She wanted to scream at him and take his body off hers but there was no way she could do that. Not when his warmth was this welcoming and she could feel the sturdiness of his body attached to hers, how his lips moved through hers, inviting and sense stirrer in a way she doubted if he wasn t intentionally doing that to her. With her tears pooling the brink of her eyes, she felt as her hands voluntarily wrapped themselves around his head and she pulled him closer to her. Mujaheed had to close his eyes when he felt her hands around him because it wasn t until now did he realized he had missed her. Yes, she had done him wrong, hurt him with her actions even, but that didn t mean that he couldn t miss everything that she was. He knew of her situation, of how swarmed with lust she must ve been now, but he doubted if a hundred of his touches could make her feel what a single touch from her made him feel. From the way she was timidly kissing him back, he was aware that she was afraid of what would be her destiny for today, maybe she was going to be suffocated with her desires or be cured by him. He pulled apart from her face to take a breather and he stared down at her flushed face, and without knowing, her eyes had turned bloodshot with her lust. "Why are you crying?" He asked, clearing her tears with his thumbs and she felt a chill ran down her spine. "Mujaheed, please..." He cut her off before she began with her lecture of not being enough and unworthy. "I didn t mean what I said earlier, Fareeda. I was just furious because you haven't told me what you were going through and endure the pain alone for over a month now. I know I don t give you the impression that I would listen or even helped in a way I should, but I thought you could ve shown me the signs. And of course, I know you could never drug yourself deliberately, at least you re far better than that." Her tense shoulders under his touch began to relax and he felt it was a good sign even though the tears he was seeing pooling the brink of her eyes, he was certain were that of self pity. She opened her mouth to respond when he placed his index finger on her lips to stop her. "I won't lie to you to say that what you did didn t hurt me, it did, Fareeda. It must ve been my mistake for not letting go of you when I should but despite that happening, I will never let go of your hands as my wife. I don t care about your past, it happened in the past and should stay there because I'm sure even you, you d love to be given the ability to change some things, you d have change a lot of things, if not all. "And also, you don t have to apologize to me for me to know that you re sorry, I could see that from your eyes. I've seen that in your actions, how you look at me, you re sorry, Fareeda, I know that. But you see, I'm a man, Fareeda, I'm ought to be jealous over what is rightfully mine..." "I'm sorry..." Her lips trembled as she spoke, firmly clutching onto his arms that we're holding her. "I don't know what I should say to you, I'm so ashamed of myself for being so foolish not to have seen what was right before me, I'm sorry, Mujaheed. That s why I told you, you deserve someone better than I am. I told you this even..." She stopped to catch her breath, to ease the rate at which her tears poured down. "Even before I got married to you, I'm no better match for you." She looked innocent, that was the first thing he had noticed. Innocence, purity, and pain. He pulled away the edges of her hair from her forehead and lightly kissed her, "You re the perfect match I can ever get, Fareeda. Stop looking down on yourself, stop thinking that you aren t good enough just because you ve committed sins that you feel were so bad for you to be pure once again. You re worthy, Fareeda, you aren't the piece of garbage you think you are, for all I know is you re among the best women out there that only lucky guys could get. You deserve to be loved, by everyone that is. and whoever doesn t love you, they have a sickness in them that needs to be healed. The problem isn t with you, it s with them." Her body melted under his touch and his words felt like a lullaby to her aching heart. She wanted to argue with all he had said but she knew once Mujaheed became persistent about something, he would never accept defeat, he would have to do all he could to make her believe him even though believing his words would be the last thing she would ever get to do. "I..." She began, but Mujaheed placed a finger on her lips that forced her to keep shut and she wondered what he was up too. "I want you to know that what I'm about to do to you isn t because the doctor asked me to do it or because it s the only way to save you from being unfertilized, no. I've always wanted to do this, and I will always want you as a wife, Fareeda." He crashed his lips on hers and she gasped before she slowly gave in and in a moment, kissed him back.