Chapter 48 30: Hospitalized

"She told me you re her husband..." Mujaheed immediately cut him off. "Yes, I'm her husband. What happened? What s wrong with her?" He asked again, taking a brisk look at Fareeda that wasn t glancing his way. "Um..." He began and let her words trailed off, "I think someone intentionally or unintentionally drugged her with a sexual arousal pill and in that case, overdosed it. She s having the lower abdominal pain because she couldn t satisfy her desires and that s why with each day, it keeps on getting even more excruciating. There s only one way for her to get better now, and had it been she wasn't married, I would ve advised her to do so. But since she s married already..." She lifted her eyes to look at Mujaheed and at the same time he had glanced her way. Fareeda quickly took her eyes off him as she felt the loud thudding of her brittle heart. "What will happen to her if she doesn t get satisfied?" She heard Mujaheed uttered and shot her head up to look at him, but he wasn t staring her way. 'I'm going to die, that s what will happen. She said inwardly and imagined what would be of her if this kept getting worse. She heard the doctor s voice as he answered Mujaheed with an awkward chuckle, "I mean, you re a man, Mujaheed. I don t know what's wrong but if you want to save your wife, you d have to do this, at least for her. Because if it gets worse, she might encounter an internal damage which might lead to infertility because of the miscarriages she had had." Fareeda felt as her heart shrunk and she forcefully flicked back the tears threatening to roll down her cheeks. She wouldn t have to cry in front of these two men. "Okay, I'll make sure that doesn t happen. But are there pills that might help her with the abdominal pain?" She was aware of the reluctance in Mujaheed s voice and was sure he had said that just because it was in the presence of the doctor and he couldn t tell him everything between them. The doctor handed him a nylon containing some pills, "Here are some pills that might help, but I've already told you the most effective medicine she needs now." Mujaheed thanked him and they walked to the car without sharing a single word. Fareeda could hear the sound of her thudding heart in her ears as she kept fidgeting with the hem of her dress. She was aware of the way he was clutching the steering wheel angrily and she was sure if he didn t have to drive them back home, those hands would have been strangling her throat by now. She wished she could run into the mansion when they had arrive and hide there for the rest of their lives. But that wasn't reality as before she was done contemplating on whether to go back to his chamber or run back to the mansion, she felt as he tightly held her wrist and dragged her into his chamber. He pulled her to the bedroom and threw her onto the bed and she didn't have to look up at his face for her to break into tears. "What does that mean, Fareeda! How could you stoop so low?!" He thundered and she moved backward on the bed as her whole body shook with fear while she shook her head. She didn't realize why he was so furious at her. She thought it was so easy? He will have to choose between those two options. Be intimate with her and save her life or let her live on medication along the way damaging her precious womb that had already been contaminated. "I didn t do anything wrong this time, Mujaheed, I promise." She cried as she lifted her hands in a begging gesture. "Do you even have the guts to say you ve done nothing wrong? How could you drug yourself just because you re hungry of this so bad? How could you hurt yourself for something as despicable as this?! Do you really think that by doing this you will lure me into being intimate with you? What have gone wrong into your brain?!" He clamored and she flinched as his words struck at her heart. Fareeda realized if she kept being afraid of him, no, she would be afraid of him always, but she had to stop showing it at least for once. She cleared her tears even though more kept gushing down her cheeks, "I know I've done tons of bad things that are enough to make you hate me, but I ve never thought you could think so low of me, Mujaheed. How could I drug myself knowing I won t be able to get myself the cure? Do you think living with that pain despite having my heart broken into pieces isn t enough for me? How can I do that to myself?" "Are you even asking me how you could do that to yourself? The same way you followed that bunch of idiocy all the way from Taraba to katsina while being married! That! Ask yourself why you did that and you d have your answer to why you d drug yourself to have what you think you might have with me!" "Mujaheed!" She screamed at the pitch of her voice, her body shaking with her tears. "Why? I know, what I did was unforgivable but I can t do this to myself! You don t know how painful it has been for me, how I will have to avoid you at all cost because I'm afraid a mere proximity with you could have me crying for myself, my lower abdomen paining me to death! I know I'm despicable, I'm unworthy, I don t deserved to be loved, but Mujaheed, I love myself." She cleared her tears but more tears rolled down her cheeks, "I love myself because I only have me for myself. It s either I have me by my side or else I'll side with the world and hate myself..." "Will you freaking cut the crap!" He thundered and her whole body shuddered with fear, "I don t care if you re going to love yourself or not, that s certainly none of my business!" He palmed his face exasperatedly and hopped onto the bed, Fareeda immediately moved back but he firmly held her close. "Anyways," he said breathlessly in an attempt to tame down his anger, "This is what you want, I can as well give it to you since it s your right even in islam. But I'll have to warn you, if you like, you can go ahead and take all the sexual arousal pills in this world but I'll never get closer to your filthy body ever again." 'Your filthy body... That was what rang into her brain as she felt as pain surged through her as though a thunderstorm. She didn t know when he merged their lips with his hands holding the back of her head. She wanted to push him away because of the way his phrase had cut through her chest and shattered the remaining pieces of her heart. She felt as Mujaheed kissed her roughly, revealing his anger through his lips and all she did was cried. If this happened without him saying all he did, she would have appreciated it. But now that he had said this and she had her whole world blocked with only his words ringing through her brain, she didn't feel anything. Otherwise, she wanted him off her, away from her and out of her sight. She felt his hands on her chest trying to have his way to her chest and she could her mood slowly changing, but her mind was far off away from this. 'Your filthy body... That was all that rang through his mind as she cried even harder. Why would she let him touch it? She would rather become unfertilized than let him cure her today. She slightly pushed him away from her face and he looked at her with his eyes filled with hatred and disgust, "What do you think you're doing?" He asked with a husky voice and Fareeda shook her head, trying to get him off her, his hovering body over hers. "I don t want this. I might be dirty, I might be despicable and unworthy, but Mujaheed I won t do this to myself. Please, don t do this to me, I'll be fine by myself..." She got choked up with her tears and Mujaheed stared through her eyes. He watched as she took off her glass and palmed her eyes, "I don t want to see you, please before you make things hard on me, Mujaheed leave me alone." Mujaheed stared at her unbelievably and wondered what game she was trying to put off. He watched the fall and rise of her chest as she bitterly cried her eyes out. "You don t have to touch this filthy body if you don t want to. I won t die because I'm choked with desire, Mujaheed. I'll only get unfertilized, which is a good thing because no child deserve to get a mother like myself, it will be so unfortunate for him or her." He lifted her up, feeling the weight of what he had uttered to her. He palmed his face after he stood up to his feet and wondered how he had said that to her. That was his reason of always trying to avoid because he knew if he exchanged a few words with her, nothing could stop him from saying something that will make him regret later. He watched the way she kept crying with her whole body shaking on the bed and hissed softly. "Suit yourself." He muttered softly and stomped out of the room. Fareeda screamed softly when she heard him leave and clutched onto her heart. It pained her so much that she wished she couldn't be able to see the light of the day anymore. She knew a lot of people had said tons of hurtful words to her, but nothing hurt like hearing this come from Mujaheed. She thought he saw her as human, not the garbage she was. She though he would never refer to the body sh had wasted on the street as filthy even though deep down she new that was the right word for it. She cried terribly and wished she hadn't lived to see this day. Mujaheed sat for nearly thirty minutes without thinking straight, unable to take his mind off the words he had said to her, words he roughly threw at her. How must she have felt? How must it have hurt her? He knew he had always wanted to hurt her so badly that she would have to cry day and night, but this wasn t the way he wanted her to be hurt. Not with his words to stab painfully at her heart. He wondered how she was doing right now, whether or not if the closure they had had stirred her up and she was there grunting in pain. He...it was just too much for him to think at once.