Chapter 46 29: Dread Of Loss

"I had to wake up early to paint that smile I'm seeing on your face now. It s been long since I last saw it. Good morning, Ya Fareeda." She greeted and Fareeda shook her head, Nana will always be Nana, and nothing you will do or say will change her from being herself. "You ll always be like this, Nana. Thank you for working so hard to see this smile on my face, I love you." She hugged her lightly and Nana screamed before she ran out of her hold and sat at the opposite sofa from her. "Whenever you say you love me, I just have to wait because I'd have to suffer from you that day. Now, where is your husband? You should eat together with him, I cooked for the two of you." Nana began to look around as if Mujaheed could magically come out of the four walls confining the rooms. "He s not here since Subh Salah, I think he's at the gate. If you need something from him you can just meet him there. He won t be back here until after Asr to make something for himself to eat." She said and the sadness in her tone couldn t be suppressed. She didn t know why she was telling this to Nana, she thought she would keep on living as though nothing had happened. As if his absence wasn t draining her soul and heart. "But why? Aren't you bored being here all by yourself, Ya Fareeda? I would ve stayed with you if I don t have assignments to work on, plus Ummah will call me any minute from now..." She let her words trailed off as her phone began to ring and she lifted it up for her, "You see? She's already calling, I don t know whether I'm her husband for her to hate it when I'm out of her side," she groaned, clearly annoyed, and Fareeda laughed at the expression on her face. "Come on, she just loves you so much. Now, off you go and don t worry about me, I'll be fine here all by myself." She smiled and tried to hide the worry lines on her forehead. "Make sure you eat to your fill, Ya Fareeda, okay?" Nana informed and Fareeda nodded her head before she watched the girl left the living room. She sighed and when she looked at the warmers again, she had lost he appetite but she knew she had to eat, she had endured this for more than two weeks, which she was sure will go on for the rest of her life, she should better get used to how it stung at her heart. She was halfway through her food when she felt somewhat dizzy. Not the kind of dizziness one felt when he or she was either drunk or sick, but this felt as though someone had just fed her with a desire arousal. She felt as her lower abdomen knotted with pain and her whole body began to loosen, feeling so weak and needy that she wished she could just die at this moment. What was this? She lifted the spoon and examined the food, but she was certain Nana will never do something to harm, but this wasn't normal. This wasn t natural. With each passing second, it intensified and her lower abdomen roared with so much pain while her eyes became bloodshot with lust. She pulled her knees to her chest and hugged herself, what was she going to do? She roughly carried herself to the room and curled herself on the bed as she felt more and more intoxicated. Whatever it was, and whoever it was that used it in her food, did this deliberately and might ve as well overdosed her. Tears sprang onto her cheeks as she painfully realized she had nothing to do while her abdomen hurt excruciatingly. She started to cry in slow whimpers before it intensified and she had her hands on her lower abdomen while she cried harder. The pain was too much, the desire, the weakness and all that she had never felt in her entire 23 years of life. She began to beg for mercy and a miracle to happen that will take everything she was feeling at once but nothing happened, yet it kept intensifying. "What should I do? Ya Allah, please help me." She desperately begged, crying and rolling on her bed as her lower abdominal pain intensified. She heard as the door got banged open and from the her vision blurred with her tears, Fareeda watched as Mujaheed rushed to the bed lifted her up, "Fareeda what s wrong?" He asked rapidly and she shook her head, trying to pry away his hand from her body. A single touch from him had done enough damage than she had ever though a touch from him would do. "Nana texted me that you were feeling unwell and Hajia called her back. What s wrong? Should we go to the hospital?" He lifted her and held her firmly with his arm, making her head rest on his chest. Fareeda wanted to scream, she wanted to push him away but she didn't have enough energy in her to ask him to let go, that it was so dangerous for her to be this close to him. Whoever did this to her wanted to bring an end to her life because he or she knew for a fact that nothing could happen between her and Mujaheed. She pointed at her lower abdomen at him and cried even harder, "It s paining me, Mujaheed." He didn't understand what she meant, and so he took her hand and Fareeda felt an excruciating pain surged through her amalgamated with an unquenchable desire. What was life trying to play with her? Why this when the mess he had created wasn t cleared yet? "Where is paining you? Show me," he said and he placed her hand on her stomach, wanting her to show him the place. She kept staring at him, at how he seemed to be distraught as if he wasn't the one that made sure she knew her existence didn't matter to him anymore. She weakly pulled his hand downward while she felt as thought being burned alive as every place his hand touched felt like a fire on her skin until she stopped on her lower abdomen and looked up at him, "Here, I think I'm going to die, Mujaheed." She was crying profusely now. Because with his hands all over her and the way he was staring at her face that rested on his chest had made it nearly impossible for her to breathe. He quickly shook his head, "You aren t going to die, okay? I think we should go to the hospital." She immediately shook her head because she knew another move with his body, she couldn t live through this. "Please no, I can t move from here, please, Mujaheed." She pitied herself and even though her tears were majorly because of the pain, the desire surging through every nook and cranny of her whole body, there was a part of her that was crying because of self pity. She knew if it was intended for her to die or to be saved by Mujaheed, then her death anniversary will be today each year until forever stopped. She tried to slip away from his hold but he held her firmly, cupping her face into his hands as he lightly and tenderly spoke, "Look at you, Fareeda, you re practically dying here. We should go to the hospital or I'll call Dr Haris to check up on you." With her tears intensifying, she shook her head because their proximity now was making it hard for her to breathe, hard for her pain to seize. "Don t call anyone, don t take me to the hospital please. I want..." She let her words trailed off because she knew if she told him what she wanted, he might say hurtful words to her more than Adam had ever said to her. He brought her face closer to his ears and questioned, his whole body trembling with fear because from the look of things, something terrible might happen to her. He didn t want to take that risk because he knew that he would have to regret loosing Fareeda for the rest of his life. "What do you want? Fareeda please let me take you to the hospital! He was practically begging her but she shook her head. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry for what I did to you, Mujaheed. I don't deserve someone like you, please forgive me." The pain surging through her was so unbearable that even though she had her glass on, black engulfed her eyes and Mujaheed felt as she slackened on his arms. "No..." He began, his eyes bulging out like a saucer as he shook her vigorously. "No! Look, Fareeda, you need to wake up, okay?" He shook her but nothing happened, the remains of her tears fell on her cheeks vertically and she looked paler than she had ever looked in her life. His hand that was in hers felt so cold it scared him to his death. "Fareeda!!!" He screamed at the pitch of his voice and realized sitting there while he screamed her name wouldn t make any change. He thought of her pulse and when he felt it, it was still beating. He carefully placed her down on the bed and rushed to Alhaji s living room, glad that he was there if not Mujaheed didn't know what he would have done. They called Dr Haris and even though it took less than ten minutes for him to arrive, Mujaheed felt as if it had taken him years to do so. He had never thought this was how frightened he would feel when something as terrible as this happened to Fareeda. He thought he hated her so much that he wouldn t give a dime even if she was dying right before his eyes. Seeing her on the bed lifelessly being checked upon by Dr Haris broke his heart, he wished he could take away her pain for a moment and have her get a good taste of life all over again. She might not deserve this from him after what she did, but he wanted this for her from the button of his heart. ? Fareeda heard their voices under hypnosis as Dr Haris asked Mujaheed a few questions, "Where did she complained hurt her before she passed out?" He asked. Mujaheed flashed a tender look on her face he turned his attention back to Dr Haris, "She complained of lower abdominal pain, but I've never seen her went through one."Mujaheed turned to look at Nana, "Does she suffer from this pain whenever she s having her period?" Because to him, that was what he thought was wrong with her.