Chapter 45 28: B

She knew she had stayed longer than three hours alone in the house and when she got hungry, she trudged and saw a flask in the kitchen with the gruel remaining and took some in the kitchen. She came back to the living room, turned the tv on and curled herself on the longest sofa as she planned to watch the movie that was playing, even though it was all an attempt to run away from what was eating her up, she didn t know she had slept off there until she felt his hand tapping her on her shoulder. She lazily opened her eyes and immediately sat up when she saw it was him, "Go inside and sleep." He said curtly and she nodded her head before she stood up. She wanted them to have a conversation, apologize to him even though he had already made it clear to her that even if she apologized to him, it wouldn't make any difference, but at least he deserved an apology from her. But from the look on his face, she didn t have the courage to even voice a word of apology out, so she went back to the room and turned off the lights not because she was going to sleep. She sat on the bed and stared at nothing in particular, taking her glass off at last because she wanted to see nothing but pitch blackness like the exact darkness that engulfed her heart. She thought of her mother and tears immediately began to roll down her cheeks. It was often rare for her to think of Mama, no one had ever told her that she shouldn't think about her Mama, but there were situations were it got all blurry and too painful that the only way she could have her peace restored was by thinking of her dearest Mama. "What would you have said to me if you were here with me, Mama? Would you have apologized on my behalf? Make me realize my mistake or like the rest of them, you too are going to remind me of being the worthless and despicable being I am?" Even though her heart ache upon voicing her last sentence, she smiled and it gave more way for her tears to roll down. What had she done to deserve the kind of people she got as a family? The only good person in her life that loved her apart from Nana was Mujaheed and right now, he hated her more than he had ever hated someone. She knew hatred when she saw one, because that was the only feeling she had ever seen on the faces that called themselves her family. She loved it whenever she slept off while she cried, because if she woke up, she woke up with a certain strength to move on, a courage to push through the difficulties but right now she knew she couldn't have that courage. And in her sleep, she had a nightmare. The nightmare that was the reason why she forbade herself to think about Mama or spoke about her. She dreamt of that night, the night she could never forget in her life. Mujaheed hadn t fallen asleep when he heard her crying loudly from the room and at first, he wanted to ignore it because she had enough reasons to cry this bitterly at night. But when he heard her cries getting out of hand, he rushed to the room and found her sleeping while she was vigorously shaking her head, sweat wetting her hair. He rushed to the bed and pulled her to sit upright, he shook her shoulders and called her name, "Fareeda, what s wrong?" He called out, seeing the way she kept crying outwardly as she shook her head. "No! Please, no!" She begged while asleep, he was are if someone might walk around his chamber this time, he or she would hear her scream. He shook her shoulders again, "Fareeda! What s wrong? You're having a nightmare, nothing is wrong, I'm here together with you, okay?" He called out and it took him a lot of effort before he finally made her woke up. She was still frightened, her body shaking with utmost fear, "Who are you? Where am I?" She shrieked and he held her body firmly. "It s me, you re safe, Fareeda. Nothing is going to happen to you as long as I'm here, okay?" He called out, and he felt the way her tensed shoulders begin to relax under his touch. "Mujaheed?" She asked, unsure of the voice she was hearing. "Yes, it s me. You just had a nightmare, nothing is going to happen to you, okay?" He said soothingly and Fareeda broke into tears, not because of the nightmare she had, but because of feeling the way he held her, the voice he spoke to her with. "Mujaheed!" Her lips trembled as she called out his name and hugged him roughly. He hugged her back and felt as her body shook against his while she cried terribly. "Mujaheed I was so scared, I'm afraid." He soothed her back and slightly rocked them, "Nothing is going to happen to you, Fareeda. I'll always be here with you, okay? It was just a bad dream, nothing will be wrong." She lifted her face from his chest and he saw the way her tears had drenched her long eyelashes. "Where s your face?" She asked, and he felt stabbed with her words. There were times when he forgot that she couldn t see without her glass and right now as he looked at those pathetic eyes, he felt hurt to know she couldn t stare at him while being this close with him. He held her hands and placed them both on the sides of his face, "Here, you re safe with me, Fareeda. I'm here together with you, it was just a dream." She nodded her head vigorously and more tears rushed down her cheeks, "I could feel your presence Mujaheed, but I'm still scared." He pulled her face to his lips and lightly kissed her forehead before he cupped her face into his hands. "Nothing will harm you as long as I'm alive. Dreams aren't reality, Fareeda, they will never happen, Insha Allah." She whimpered and hugged him back, he held her firmly and felt the way she cried painfully and wondered what kind of dream she had. She had never had a nightmare before but today, and seeing the way she acted, he was certain it was a trauma. She slowly began to relax in his arms and after a few minutes, he felt her body slackened against his chest. Her breathe came soothingly and he realized she had fallen asleep. He laid her back on the bed and covered her with the duvet before he blew the supplications on her and sat down staring at her sleeping face through the illumination of the night. He just realized she had lost weight, she looked pale and broken. He lingered a soft kiss on her forehead and was about to stand up when he felt her hand firmly holding his wrist. He sighed and slowly tore her hand from his before he stood up and left the room. He wanted to stay here with her, but it was only because she had this nightmare, but tomorrow he would remember all she had done to him and he wouldn t be sympathetic toward her anymore. ... Nana was making breakfast when Ummah came into the kitchen. She moved to the cooking gas and asked her, "What are you doing?" Nana stirred the pot before she answered her, "Good morning, Ummah. I'm cooking breakfast for Ya Fareeda." Ummah smiled and nodded her head before she walked out of the kitchen and Nana followed her retreating back with a confused gaze. She knew she couldn t call that a smile, it would be better if she addressed it as a smirk. She continued cooking and after she was done, she asked one of the maids to look after the warmers for her to go and have a quick shower. She was glad when Fareeda told her yesterday that she would like something apart from the gruel she usually took for more than two weeks now, it was a good sign that she had finally got better, or was getting better. She took her bathe and came down to the kitchen, "Kamila, will you please help me with the warmers? I want to take them to Ya Mujaheed s chamber but I can t take them all at once." She asked politely and Kamila didn't argue with her. "Sure, Nana, why not?" She took two of the warmers and Nana took the same as they walked together to Mujaheed s chamber. "You know, I m not close to Aunty Fareeda but I can tell she s a good person. She s not arrogant like Aunty Asma u or conniving like Dahlia. I'm so happy she has someone by her side, someone like you, Nana." Nana smiled and nodded her head, she always loved it whenever someone said something good about Fareeda, it gave her a feeling of satisfaction. "She s a good person, Kamila. So lovely, I wonder why it s so hard for her family to love her just the way she is." "I wonder why she doesn t like Mujaheed though, I mean, he doesn t look like a gateman, does he? I don t know if it s just for my eyes, but there s something about him that speaks much more than the aura of a gateman could ever." Nana threw her head back and laughed, "You know the first time I came to this house I thought Ya Mujaheed was Abba s son when I saw him by the gate? But I totally agree with you, he looks nothing like a gateman, probably a mistake in is fate." They conversed freely until they reached the chamber and Nana knocked softly. Fareeda was the one that opened the door herself and she smiled at them both, "Kamila, it s been long since I saw you. How have you been?" She collected the tray from Nana and ushered them into the living room. Kamila was hesitant at first, but Fareeda urged her until she agreed and walked inside. "Good morning, Aunty Fareeda." She greeted respectfully and smiled before she immediately stood up seeing that Nana had already found a spot for herself to sit, "I have to leave now, Hajia asked me to work for her, I just have to help nana because the things are so heavy for her to carry." They looked up at her at the same time with smiles on their faces. "That s not a worry then. Thank you, Kamila. And please stop by whenever you have the chance to, I'm bored as hell here." Kamila chuckled and nodded her head before she walked out of the living room and Fareeda smiled at Nana. "You worked really hard, Nana." She said as she began to open the warmers, the aroma filled her nostrils, making it so hard for her not to smile. She couldn't remember the last time she ate something edible apart from the gruel, and just staring at the food was appetizing enough.