Chapter 184

“I could use something to sleep in.” I hesitate, knowing it’s a lie and I could just strip off, but something in me doesn’t want him to leave yet, even if it’s just prolonging the agony and making me feel worse. Since I came back, we haven’t separated properly for any length of time, and now I’m experiencing some crazy anxiety about him leaving when I feel like there’s still so much left unsaid, unresolved. He’s the anchor in my boat, and I’m on a stormy sea. I need to break this dependency on him if I’m to survive here from now on. The whole Carmen thing, saying he still wants us, kissing me outside, Sierra, the Doctor … the future. It’s too big for me to handle or think about, and my brain is scared that letting him leave will open a dam in my brain that I have no energy to deal with. He already has me teetering on an emotional breakdown with tears threatening to spill out. “The middle cupboard has everything you need. I wasn’t about to leave any part of you behind because I wouldn’t