Chapter 43: "Fears and Futures"

Taylor was not sitting still; she walked nervously around the small kitchen full of sunlight. It had been only a few days since Alex had proposed, and though she was incredibly happy being engaged to him, a feeling of anxiety was slowly seeping into her. She had such deep affection for Alex, and yet they were about to take on so much; it was more than she could handle. As she was coming from somewhere, Alex arrived just in time and found her in the midsection. He noticed at once that she was stiff and that she was biting her lip, which was something that indicated she was thinking or anxious. “Taylor, what is it?” He asked softly, moving up behind her and putting his hands on her shoulders. She swiveled to look at him, and there was this look of confusion in her eyes. ‘Alex, do you ever contemplate the next step? I am talking about contemplating seriously here. ’ “Oh yes, I do,” Alex said to her, frowning in worry. "What’s bothering you?" Taylor frowned, and for a moment, she could not find what she wanted to say. “It is just... everything has been so perfect, almost like a dream on TV. But what if it does not remain like that? What if we lose that very factor that makes us so perfect for each other? I am afraid that once the glamour of engagement sets in, we may realize our mistake.” Alex sighed and pulled her into his embrace. ‘I get it; it’s a big change, and it’s alright to feel different, Taylor, but I want you to know that I have known you for years now and seen you at your best and at your worst, and we have built something real and strong here. ’ Taylor hid her face in his naked chest, and her voice was subdued. ‘But what if it does? What if the pressure of being married alters the personalities of the individuals involved?’ I do not want to lose this form of companionship. He embraced her even more, attempting to calm her down with the fear that he could feel coming from her. ‘It’s okay to be scared, but I believe in us. We did not just wake up one day and decide to get together. We have been heading toward this for years, even if we did not realize it at the time.’ She slightly moved her head back and looked at him in the eyes to seek confidence. ‘And what if that is not enough?’ Love is one thing, but marriage is very different. What if we fail at it?’ ‘If that’s the case, then we will just deal with it, step by step,’ Alex replied confidently. ‘We do not need to know everything at the moment. We only need to be ready to rely on each other and be ready to face all the challenges. And we will, because I am not going anywhere. ’ Taylor gave a slow nod of her head, and the tone of her voice helped to slow down her mind. “Maybe I just have to believe that we can sort it out as we go along,” she said to him softly. “I want to be with you, Alex; I do. But I just... I don’t want to mess up what we have.” “You are not going to spoil anything,” Alex said in a friendly manner. This is where we are. And if there is one thing that I am now very clear is that I don’t want to live my life without you. She exhaled deeply, and, for the first time, the heavy burden that seemed to rest on her shoulders felt as if it was starting to ease. ‘Thank God for you, Alex’, she said. ‘You always have a way of cheering me up. ’ ‘That’s what I’m here for,’ he said, touching her hair behind the ear. ‘And I’m lucky to have you too, Taylor. We’re going to be just fine’. They spent the rest of the day discussing their future—their dreams, ambitions, and all possible concerns. With each word that was said, Taylor began to feel that they were doing the right thing and that their love for each other was enough to overcome everything. That evening, after having supper together, getting on the couch, and putting the blanket on them, Alex looked at her seriously. “You know what? I have been doing some thinking, and I think it will be great if we go on a short vacation for a few days, just us, before we are overwhelmed with the wedding preparations.” Taylor raised her brows at him in shock. ”A trip? Where would we go?” ‘In someplace secluded, like a house in the woods or a small house close to a water source,’ Alex said as he grinned at the thought of it. “Just a place where we can be and look at each other, not having to worry about the noise and...” The idea of running away with Alex and having some time in which they could get back to knowing each other better and become closer made Taylor feel like her heart was going to burst with happiness. ‘That sounds perfect,’ she said with a smile on her face, looking straight into his eyes. "I’d love that." ‘That’s great,’ Alex replied, and judging by the tone of her voice, she was happy with the answer she had just given. “I will begin searching for places tomorrow,” I will say. “It will be beneficial for us, I believe. ” After they got comfortable on the couch, Taylor had this feeling of calmness in her. The possibility to escape and spend some time together with Alex without having to worry about outside factors was just what she wanted. She moved closer and rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. She felt so relieved for the first time in days. However, as time elapsed, Taylor again started wandering in his thoughts. Though she was looking forward to the trip, a small voice in her head was telling her that something was due—something that would disturb the relationship they had established. She had no idea where the thought was originating from, but she had it, and it was constantly nagging her at the back of her head. A few days later, they were out of their things and were all set for the journey. Alex had booked a lovely small house near the lake, which was about 3 hours’ drive from the city. It was the perfect getaway; it was isolated and quiet, and the view was breathtaking the moment they got there, Taylor thought. When they began to unpack the car and entered the cabin, Taylor felt a ray of hope. This was exactly what they needed—a break from reality, a license to ignore the world and concentrate on each other. That evening they spent by the lake, realizing the sunset on the water surface. The whole sky was painted pink and orange, and the reflection of these on the water of the lake was like a dream. ‘This is beautiful,’ Taylor whispered, resting her head on Alex’s chest while they were lying on a blanket near the water. “It really is,” Alex said, and he put his arm around her. “I’m glad we did this,” she said softly. “It feels good just to be here with you; there is no pressure from all the other stuff.” Taylor smiled. The feeling of Taylor’s arms around him, the quiet of the moment, the darkness, the fire ”Me too. It’s exactly what we needed.“ It was getting dark, the sun was setting, and the lake glimmered in the twilight. Alex looked at her, frowning. ‘Taylor,’ I began, ‘there has been something that I wanted to discuss with you. ’ She felt her heart burst with joy at the excitement and apprehension she felt in his voice. "What is it, Alex?" He paused for a second or two, allowing me to think that he was deep in contemplation of what he was about to say. ‘If you think you can change me, or if you believe that I have some hidden agenda and that I am going to leave you anytime soon, then let me make this very clear to you: I am in this for the long haul, no matter what.’ ‘But there is something that you should know about me—something that happened in the past.’ Taylor’s heart raced. ‘What do you mean?’ I asked her, ‘Is it something bad?’ Alex stared at her, tears in his eyes, regret, and, at the same time, determination written all over his face. ‘It is not something that I am happy to tell, but I believe that you should know this: I had a serious relationship a few years ago, and it was a bitter breakup. I have left all that behind and am fully into this relationship with you, but I felt that it was only old you this’. Taylor clenched a fist tightly, and she could feel a ball of sickness in her tummy. ‘’I wish I could have told you this earlier. Why didn’t you say this to me earlier?’’ ‘I didn’t want it to influence what we have,’ Alex said, his tone earnest. “But I now know that if we are to have a future, you have to know everything about me; I don’t want there to be any secrets between us.” Tears welled in Taylor’s eyes, and she could see through the tough exterior he had put up. She could see that it was not comfortable for him to do so, and she was glad that he was frank. “I am glad that you discussed this with me, Alex. I see why you kept it from me before, but now I am glad that things are different.” ‘Thank God!’ said Alex, hugging her closely. ”I’m glad too,” she replied. “I want us to have the best possible start, Taylor; no matter what difficulties come our way, I want them to be faced together.” They were still sitting there, embracing, and Taylor realized that what she felt was love and trust. She realized that they were only starting, and there are still challenges that they have to face along the way. And with Alex by her side, she knew that no matter what was thrown at them, they could handle it. In that moment, she found out that love does not mean that there is no problem; it means facing them as a team.