Chapter 87 55: Grieving

Baffah walked into the room with nothing but tears on his cheeks, he pulled him out of the room and took him to where no one could see them or eavesdrop. He made him sit down and handed him a cup of Zamzam (holy water) that had been supplicated upon. Mujaheed needed whatever it is that will melt the molten magma he could clearly feel in his heart. He gulped it down in a single gulp and Baffah placed his hand on his. "I want you to listen to me, Mujaheed. I know we're in so much grief, but this is something I promise His Highness to do immediately after his death. He told me that he wants to be given the ritual bathe, prayed for like every muslim in the world, but no one should know where he is buried apart from you and me. Kulthum shouldn't know as well, because someone might use her weakness and know it." Even though Mujaheed wasn't thinking straight, and all he had to do was cried until he could feel the hurt in his heart vanishing forever, he had to listen to this. "But Baffah, why?" He managed to ask, his voice so husky that he knew no one would believe it was his voice. "He has his reasons, I know some of the reasons but I can't tell them to you know, we have to wait until the right time comes. But whatever it is, we have to do as he wants." He palmed his face as he surged in a deep breath, feeling as everything breath he took weighed down his chest and he felt as if he was going to die to himself. "Is there something I can do? Will they allow us to bury him alone if we tell them?" He didn't like the word bury to be attached to his as much as he hated it and would love all this to be a nightmare, Mujaheed deep down knew this was the reality of things, and he would have to act accordingly, at least he owed Daada this. "They will surely object to that when I say it myself, especially Sadam, whom is among the reasons why His Highness doesn't want to be buried where they know. But if you stand on your ground and tell them that you don't want your father to be buried, they'll listen, you're his successor." Mujaheed raked his fingers into his hair, all this was making him even more confused, more in pain. "Why do we have to do that? I know that Daada has his reasons and it has to be the right time before you tell me but I really want to know, Baffah. That way, I will try to protect what he wants to protect as well." Baffah sighed and he knew deep down Mujaheed at least deserved to know something. "Your father's six brothers both younger and older, each and everyone of them wants to succeed on the throne. But Sadam is the most hungry one. And for them to achieve that knowing you're alive and in this palace as well, the only way is for them to use some parts of his dead body in a witchcraft and their wishes will succeed. They will rush for his dead body, so we shouldn't allow them to know where he's buried." Mujaheed wanted his heart to burst out of his chest. What life were they living? What kind of family did they have? Did royalty become so dirty that a dead man would fear where he would buried? That brought tears to his eyes, and despite his uncle's attempts to have him buried in the royal cemetery, Mujaheed stood on ground and they did like Daada wanted it to happen. All his world revolved around pain, sheer agony and melancholy. Fareeda found him at the far end corner of their room, with his knees brought up to his chest as he rested his head on them and stared deeply into space. She walked to where he was and sat on the floor beside him. He didn't notice she was there until her hand softly touched his arm and he looked at her with his bloodshot eyes and a bleeding heart. Without a single word, Mujaheed went to her body and she hugged him tightly on her chest. She circled her hands around him and kept silent because she knew he needed nothing more than the silence she had given him. With his head resting on her bosom, Mujaheed burst into tears, he felt as though it was today that both Yumma and Daada left. He felt weighed with so much agony that he doubted if his soul could overcome. He felt trampled upon with so much responsibility, so much fear, so much hurt that he doubted if his soul could ever heal from this. Everything ached. His heart bled, his soul shrunk and his body weak from the blow of pain. He felt helpless and shattered. ... It had just been a day and the palace was already in deep chaos. He hated to go out but he knew he had to because of the people that came to extend their condolences to them. If it was for him, he would be on bed cuddled with Fareeda until he felt this pain slowly lifting off of him. She had been his strength now that he could hardly ever lift a finger. Muhaseen could only stare at him whenever he came into the room, he would just pinch her cheeks because he couldn't even call her name out loud. He wanted to go and see Kulthum, ask her how she was doing even though he knew being fine would be the last thing she could ever be. But right now, he had to be somewhere, Baffah had urgently called him and he knew he had to go knowing so well it was something crucial. He picked up his phone on his way to his chamber and called Fareeda. "Hello, Fareeda?" His voice was so weak and low that Fareeda had to increase the volume of her phone to hear what he was saying. "Mujaheed, do you need something? Are you fine? Where are you now?" The way her voice sounded so concerned about him made something melted in him and he smiled even though it was the most painful smile his lips had ever carved in more than 24 hours now. "I'm alright, I'm going to see Baffah now. How is Kulthum?" He asked, his heart weighing down his chest and he wanted to cry all over again, but he knew he had to stay strong even though all he did was break apart with each step he took. Fareeda turned beside her and shook her head sadly, "She's still not talking to anyone, Mujaheed. She has refused to eat as well, I don't know what else to do. Can you please come over when you're done? Maybe knowing you two share the same grief can make her eat something." Her voice broke, she hated seeing the people she cared about in pain. For the rest of her life, Fareeda didn't want to see these two people crying like the way they did yesterday. "Can you give her the phone?" He asked, and a sigh shattered his lungs all over. The air he breathe in felt like poison to him, it felt illegal and suffocated him always. He didn't know what else he was going to do. "She won't take the phone from me, Mujaheed. She can't even speak, I think the best is for you to come and check up on her when you're done." She cleared her tears and prayed silently that the Almighty healed these two people, they deserved all the happiness, the love and peace of mind they could get from being healed. He sighed and pinched the bridge between his brows, "Okay, I'll come over there when I'm done." "What about you, Mujaheed? How are you coping? Are you alright?" She could feel the way he breathed with so much effort and it felt like with each breath he took, it was only the will of Allah that made him take the next. He seemed to have fully given up on everything he had. "I don't know how I'm doing. I just want to sleep forever, because that's the only thing I could do without feeling this excruciating pain in my chest, Fareeda." His voice broke, and he felt the tightening in his chest that would forever remain unmatched. He felt tears already brewing in his eyes but he quickly flicked them back, knowing he had to be strong. "Whatever I'm feeling doesn't matter, I have to be strong, Fareeda. If not for myself, then for Kulthum, she needs me the most now." Fareeda immediately shook her head as though he was standing in front of her. "No one needs you more than you need yourself, Mujaheed. Don't force yourself to not feel anything, you have to feel this pain, it's something that is inevitable. Please don't force your heart to ignore the pain you should feel in order to be able to live on with you life. Kulthum needs you, surely, but you need yourself also." "I need you, Fareeda. It's so tough, I don't think I can be able to do it." His shoulders slumped, and he finally gave way for the tears to roll down on his cheeks. Fareeda sighed and wished she was standing beside him, she would've given him the best hug ever in his life. "I'll always be here whenever you need me, Mujaheed. You can do this, you're stronger than you could ever think. Allah does not burden a soul beyond which it can bear, have faith in him." She spoke with him in such a soothing and lovely tone that had him feeling as though a balm being applied on his heart. He walked to Baffah's chamber feeling strong, even though he knew it would be a single wave of memory for him to crumble down fully. He met Baffah in his living room, alone, meaning he had been waiting for him and the conversation he wanted them to have would be crucial and needed some privacy. He found a seat and sat down after he had greeted Baffah. "You called for me, Baffah." He pointed out, because with each move of the clock, Mujaheed felt as if the walls of the world were ensnaring him in a corner and he only had. A few time left for him to run away for his life. "Yes, Mujaheed. I just came back from the directorates meeting, we had a meeting about who should be the successor of the throne. Everyone knows it is you and we all approve of this apart from your six uncles. As you know, Sadam can never have this throne because of what he did, he couldn't be given the throne." "I've always been wanting to ask you about this, Baffah. Why couldn't he be given the throne? I don't think I can be able to hold such prestigious title now that I'm nothing but a mess of broken pieces of my heart." He said lightly. He knew it had always been Daada's dream for him to be his successor, that was the reason he crowned him as the crown prince since when he was ten, but at the situation he was, he didn't think he could do it. It pained him so much that it was barely 48hrs since Daada died, but they were already talking about who should be the new king. "During his times with their father, he impregnated a servant that worked in his chamber, and as you know, it's an abominable sin and for the sinner to be a prince is outrageous. Out of anger, their father had it written in the book of rules that he wouldn't be given the throne after his demise, and that's what had happened. Your father isn't the only prince after he died, but he was the only competent one, hence the hatred."