Chapter 55 34: B

"Fareeda..." He called timidly, afraid that she was asleep and he might wake her up. His heart stopped beating when he realized what had happened, when the reality of the situation hit him. When everything became clear to him as his brain was forced to believe the reality of the situation. No... He heard as the door got banged open and Alhaji ran into the living room without his shoes on as he turned the lights on, but he didn't reach where Mujaheed was holding her when he slumped on the floor, his eyes fixed intently on her face. "I knew it, the moment I saw her missed call I knew that something terrible must ve happened to you, Fareeda." Alhaji broke the deadly silence and Mujaheed that felt as if he had no life in him turned to look at Alhaji with the coldest expression he had ever plastered on his face. He shook his head before he turned to Fareeda, "Nothing has happened to you, right, Fareeda? You re going to wake up, nothing happened." He began to shook her body roughly while with each movement of his hand, he prayed desperately for a miracle to happen, but nothing moved in Fareeda s body. Her whole body was getting cold and she looked lifeless. Those eyes had lost the liveliness in them. When Alhaji saw the way Mujaheed was shaking her but without any response, he crawled to where they were and held her cold hands into his. With tears streaming down his cheeks, he began to speak, "Fareeda, you can t do this to me, you can t leave me alone, okay? Wake up, I promise to do everything that you want..." He shook her hand, "Please wake up, Fareeda!" He screamed at the pitch of his voice but nothing came, not even a flinch. Upon seeing that, Mujaheed kept shaking his head. This won t happen, this won't be the truth. Fareeda can t leave him like this, when he wasn t ready, when they fought the way they did, when he said all the hurtful things he had said to her. He broke into tears, hugging her body to his chest, "Fareeda please, don t do this. Fareeda please, I'm begging you, please wake up, Fareeda I don't know what to do. Fareeda dan Allah, Fareeda please." He couldn t remember the last time he had cried, but then he had never felt this pain in his entire life. He was afraid, his whole body shook while his tears rushed down unchecked. He heard that whenever one cried, it soothed his pain, but his tears were adding more to his fear, making it so hard for him to accept the reality in front of him. He kept shaking her body while he cried until Alhaji placed his hand on his and shook his head at him. "We don t have anything to do, Mujaheed, she s gone." "No!!! She s not gone, Alhaji, she didn t say she was going to leave him. I'm sure she won't leave me, please let s check more." Mujaheed cried terribly as he laid his head on her chest s he tried to feel if her heart was beating, but it was as solid as a rock could ever be, her chest as cold as he had never felt before. He hugged her again, "Fareeda please." His lips trembled as he begged, feeling a tightening in his chest, an unmeasurable pain as it swarmed into his whole body. He didn't know how the hours had passed while they stayed there staring at the cold body of Fareeda. It took him a lot of effort before he managed to lure Alhaji away from her body and they went to the mosque together. Mujaheed cried throughout his prayer, begging Allah for a miracle to happen, for a sign, for life to bloom again. He watched as Alhaji informed about her death, but he wanted to stop him because he could feel it within him that Fareeda was still alive even though she had spent the rest of the hours of yesterday s night being nothing but a dead body. They all walked out of the mosque living him alone and he pulled his phone out of his pocket. The first things he had noticed were her missed calls, and Mujaheed wanted to bring his heart out of his chest, he had never regretted something like he regretted sleeping in this mosque yesterday night. Whatever happened to her might ve not happened. If she became sick, he would ve been there to take her to the mosque, if it was a natural death, he would ve been there to hold her hands, recite the shahada for her and tell her that he loved her. Yes, he knew he had realized he loved her when it meant nothing. Because she wouldn't be there to know he did, she wouldn t hear him even if he said it to her. But he loved her, he had always loved Fareeda and now that...his tears threatened to choke his lungs, now that she was gone, he would never forgive himself for letting tears and pain be the last thing Fareeda did before she died. He noticed the messages she had sent to him and it was the second message that had him hooked and made him cried until his shoulders shook. 'Mujaheed, please don t avoid home because of what happened, I need to explain to you. I know you have all the right to be furious at me now, but please come back home. After you calm down, we re going to have a peaceful conversation, please don t do this, okay? You don t have to worry about me, I'm safe and I'm taking my dinner now. And incase you won't come home tonight, I'll take off my glass before falling asleep. Please take care of yourself and I'm sorry. "You weren t safe, Fareeda!" He screamed and cried to the deepest core of his heart. "You weren t safe, Fareeda. You aren't! You ve left me, you should ve wait until I apologized for hurting you!" "No!!! Let me go, there s no way Ya Fareeda will die! I have to speak to him first, if he tells me that she s gone, then I'll believe him!" He heard Nana s scream outside the gate and immediately slipped his phone back into his pocket before he rushed out of the mosque. The moment Nana saw him, she pulled herself away from their holds and ran to him, she hugged him tightly as she cried, and Mujaheed cried along with her. "Ya Mujaheed, I know they re lying. I know there s no way Ya Fareeda will leave us, right?" She pulled her body away from him, her tears intensified as fear filled her heart when she saw him crying, "Ya Mujaheed..." She weakly said, shaking her head, "She s not dead, right? She can t be dead, Ya Mujaheed!" Mujaheed choked with his tears, his body trembled and his heart felt tightened with so much pain, "She s gone, Nana. I m finding it hard to believe too, but she's gone. I've been with her for hours but she hasn t moved, she s gone." Nana shook her head and stubbornly peeled herself away from him, she held his hands and spoke, "I won t believe this, I know she wouldn t be gone this easily. Go and stop from giving her the ritual bathe, tell Abba to stop the grave diggers, tell Ummah to stop calling our family that Fareeda is dead. I have to see it for myself, deep down, I feel she s alive." Mujaheed pulled her to himself and he hugged her while his tears intensified, nothing could ever be as painful as this. ... Nana stood there staring at her body while Mujaheed stood there as well. He found it so hard to let the women that came to bathe her do their job. Nana kept screaming at the pitch of her voice until he held her firmly against his body and she cried. It looked as if she had lost her sanity, she kept uttering things that were only coherent to her ears. She looked up at him, "I need to take one last look at her..." She began and when Mujaheed shook his head at her while he fixed his eyes on Fareeda s body, she broke into tears, "Please, Ya Mujaheed, I promise, just this one last time. Please." He couldn t say no to her, at this point he wished he had a bits of immaturity in him, he would ve acted worse than how she had acted. He would ve told these women to get out of his chamber, that she was alive, no one will take his wife away from him. "We re going out when you take one last look at her and we won t be back until they re done bathing her, agreed?" He asked, and she reluctantly nodded her head. He released his hold on her and watched as she moved toward the body, afraid of each step she took toward her body. She knelt before Fareeda with her tears rushing back onto her cheeks, "I know you re hearing me now, Ya Fareeda, I know you aren t dead like they all think you are. Please show me a sign, please let me know that my heart isn t lying to you, you re still alive." Mujaheed painfully took his eyes off them, because it hurt to see Nana this way. He knew this wouldn t be easy on her as much as it wouldn t be easy on him. He would live to regret the kind of death Fareeda had to do. The painful death she suffered from without anyone by her side, with so pain in her heart. The pain he had caused for her. He wished he had calmed himself that evening, he wished he had waited and listened when she wanted to tell him, to explain everything to him. Nana lifted Fareeda s hand and kissed them softly, "I wish you ll wake up and smack my head with your hands, Ya Fareeda. I want to hear your voice again as you tell me you're going to kill me for doing something to you. I don't want you died, Ya Fareeda. We haven t even done half the things you promised me we would do. We haven t met him, you promised to take me to him, right?" She choked on her words with her tears intensifying with each breathe she took. Today would be the most traumatic day of her life. She fell on Fareeda s body and rested her head on her chest, right above her heart. "I can t believe your heart has finally stopped beating, Ya Fareeda." She knew the eerily silence of Fareeda s heart will hunt her until her very last breathe. The stillness, the absence of life. Mujaheed moved to where she was and knelt before Fareeda s body, he took her other hand and tried to smile but broke into tears instead. Nana looked up to look at him, "Ya Mujaheed I think I should say this to you since she isn t going to wake up, I should reveal her secret. I will, Ya Fareeda, wake up if you don t want me to." Her eyes that were closed didn t flick, and the lifelessness didn't waver from her face.