Chapter 4

"Let's not get our wedding photos taken tomorrow," Eugene said. I looked at the calendar on the table. I'd clearly indicated on it with a marker that we were scheduled for a wedding photoshoot the following day. I didn't know why he wanted to call it off. Still, I no longer had the intention of proceeding with this marriage. Even if he hadn't brought it up, I would have made an excuse to cancel the photoshoot. He was saving me trouble by mentioning it. I nodded. "Alright. I'll call the photographer and tell them it's off." Eugene was taken aback as soon as the words were out of my mouth. He didn't expect me to agree so readily and thought I would demand an explanation. After all, I'd spent a long time carefully planning every detail of the wedding. Each step had been researched and chosen with care. Even the photographer for our pre-wedding shoot was someone I'd managed to secure only after paying an extra sum to jump the line—all so we could have the perfect photos. And so, it was a surprise to him that I'd calmly agreed to call everything off after he'd told me to. Eugene gave me a conflicted look. He said, "You don't need to cancel it. Cassie said she wants to have a pre-wedding shoot with me since she knows there's no chance of her ever getting married in this lifetime. It'll be as if she did get married, and she won't have any more regrets. "She can do the photoshoot with me tomorrow. We can just make an appointment and get our photos taken at some other time." He sounded so calm that it was as if we were discussing what to eat. It was exactly how he'd sounded when bringing up the artificial insemination to me a month back. On the surface, he was bringing it up for discussion. In reality, his tone and behavior made it clear that he'd already made the decision. He was just informing me of it. I lowered my eyes, hiding the mockery in them. Some other time? Eugene had no idea I would only be spending another 13 days in Rogenvale. He didn't know there wouldn't be any more time for us. I made a soft sound of agreement before heading to the bedroom to sleep. He and I weren't getting married anymore, so it no longer mattered with whom he had a pre-wedding shoot. Eugene watched me. For some reason, he felt uneasy. I'd reacted too calmly—I hadn't even questioned him. He'd prepared an exhaustive explanation for me, but it was useless now. Just then, Cassandra called him. He pushed whatever doubts he had out of his mind and headed to the balcony to answer the call. … When I woke up the following morning, Eugene was about to leave the house. As he put on his shoes, he said, "Cassie and I will be going on a short trip after the pre-wedding shoot. She's always wanted to go to Northo, so I'm going with her. "Let's keep the wedding as simple as possible. I don't have time for rehearsals and whatnot, so you call the shots on everything. Don't bother asking me." I swallowed my toast. "Alright." The wedding would be kept as simple as possible, alright. There wouldn't be any photos, guests, or a host. There wouldn't even be a bride. Eugene found it odd that I was eating breakfast so calmly. After some thought, he said, "Let's go to Iropa for our honeymoon. I remember you've always wanted to go there." In the past, I would've excitedly started preparing for the trip, especially since he was the one who'd brought it up. After all, he'd never agreed to travel with me, no matter how I'd begged and pleaded. He'd always told me that he didn't like traveling because it was tiring. Now, however, I focused on my food without saying anything. We weren't even having a wedding, let alone a honeymoon. Eugene looked at me in surprise. He wanted to say something else, but changed his mind when he glanced at the clock. He hurriedly opened the door to go, saying, "We can talk about this when I'm back." I picked up the calendar and used a marker to cross out the words "pre-wedding photoshoot". I had 12 days to go. After breakfast, I started packing my things. I also took the opportunity to clean out the things at home that were no longer needed. They included a photo album that had only five photos, a dusty projector, a pair of matching pajamas that had never been worn… I'd painstakingly selected every item in this apartment throughout the five years Eugene and I were together. The place had slowly gone from an empty space to the cozy nest that it was now. But upon closer inspection, I realized Eugene had never used most of the things. He told me that he was his own person, even though we were dating, and that he didn't like using matching items. They made him feel like he was constantly tied down. I pulled myself out of my reverie and continued cleaning and packing. These things would only be a bother to him once I left, so I was better off clearing them out now. It would also be a way for me to get rid of our memories.